The Devil Woman and a Wuss of a Husband

There have been only a couple times in our marriage that I have truly been terrified.  The two that I recall with clarity have a similar characteristic of personal mental anguish.  The first was a horrible dream that was the result of a new work environment.  In that situation I found myself straddling Linda’s head grunting.  The 2nd of these two horrific evenings was a direct result of what I believe to be an over analyzation of the movie/cartoon “Happy Feet.”  I do realize that the movie was about a unique penguin and it may have been as simple as that.  I deduced from the movie that homosexuality was the agenda and that christianity and the church were the source of pollution and ignorance.

I often have a difficult time falling asleep on a sunday night after having taken a nap that afternoon.  That may have been the reason I struggled sleeping; but due to my inability to sleep, I lay awake thinking about the unusual happenings and alarming voices in the movie.  As we lay in bed, all of a sudden I heard a demon speaking through the monitor in the twins room.  Needless to say, I was alarmed by this.  Linda’s explanation, that it was one of the toys in their room, did little to calm my spirit.  How could the toy have just started with only two boys in the room both imprisoned in their cribs?  I felt the need to investigate.  Of course I cautiously approached their room and began to thoroughly investigate the source of demonic communication.  I stood in the middle of the room for nearly 2 minutes awaiting the inevitable presence.  After this short time I walked back to bed and continued to ponder on even the smaller nuances of the horrific movie. 

Linda told me she had heard Dakota cough in this manner before which explains her lack of alarm; but I heard a cough which seemed to scream “A demon is choking me” or at least “I have something in my throat.”  I jumped out of bed and ran to Dakota’s crib.  As soon as I looked at Dakota the demon’s voice laughed again.  I turned to see what medium he was using and saw a lit up caterpillar in the box along the wall.  There was some relief as I realized what had been happening, but that relief turned to utter terror as I looked up and saw a body standing in the doorway.  I assume I knew that it was Linda standing there, but all I thought was that the demon had been released and was standing in front of me.  I immediately ran from the room, past the demonic force and sprinted down the hallway.

I think Linda had to scream, “Aaron it’s ME”  twice before it registered.  I stood by the garage door with my hands covering my face imagining how all of that must have looked.  Ashamed, I proceeded to go to bed, only to act like I was asleep when Linda came in so that I could forgo the inevitable embarrassment that comes from being a man of my size in just his boxers screaming as he runs down the hall afraid of his wife.

I suppose the positive way to view this is that I greatly care for my children and I have a proper respect for the spiritual realm.  On the other hand I hope no woman ever robs us because I would run screaming to my bed and hide under the covers.

8 thoughts on “The Devil Woman and a Wuss of a Husband

  1. Aaron. I’m at work. If I laugh that loud again, people are going to notice. Sheesh.

    Seriously. I was holding it in and crying with laughter.

    You have the weirdest sleep hallucinations of anyone I know. I mean, Linda as a demon. C’mon.

    Of couse, it’s never the ones we suspect.

    You, my friend, are funny.

  2. OK, I am laughing out loud also…only I am not at work 🙂 Linda IS pretty scary! Oh to be a fly on the wall in your house 🙂

  3. I am also joining everyone laughing like crazy. My kids want to know what is so funny but I am afraid to explain to them that Uncle Aaron saw a demon at his house, but really it was Aunt Linda; I just don’t think they would get it 🙂

  4. Aaron,

    This reminds me of last night. I was up at 10pm doing some cleaning while all the kids were in bed asleep. Suddenly I heard this voice coming from the back room. It was a high pitched sound and it couldn’t have been anything other than a demon. But no, it was worse, it was tickle me Elmo talking and laughing and scaring me half to death. So I couldn’t help but laugh when I read your blog today. Your kids are beautiful. Tell Linda hey.

    Your cousin in Florida (and hating it…it’s so hot!),

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