Multiple Murders in Eagle River Last Night

Multiple murders occurred in Eagle River last evening – one of them a dear old grandma.  
Saga # 1: We made it safely to Eagle River. That was the only safe part!  My wallet felt attacked when we chose to eat out at the Family Restaurant.  Let’s pause for a minute to at least acknowledge that Dakota’s meal cost the most.  He ordered the Route 66 burger – 1/2 pound burger with onion rings and all the fixings atop.  He couldn’t even hold the thing without it falling apart on him.  I suppose that’s my fault in that I didn’t look at the menu to see its gargantuan size.  The highlight of my dinner was watching him fail miserably at eating the nearly unfathomable half cow.
Saga # 2: My parenting was attacked as my ability to keep my children alive came into question as we looked up to find multiple children in multiple row boats – yet with no idea how to row! We brought up a couple inflatable rafts.  Spencer did a wonderful job blowing the first one up, granted he did so not with his mouth but with the compressor we brought with us – yes, I know I’m very smart.  For this first raft we thought, “hey, that’s a nice size raft!”  That was until we unboxed and unfolded the second raft which is apparently certified for navy seal operations.  As I inflated the barge that would be later used for covert operations, Spencer became impatient and dragged the other out to the lake on his own.  Unable to patiently wait to enjoy this new experience with his most wonderful father, he took to the lake in his new raft – but with no idea how to use it.  Don’t worry, after I blew up the new USS Crowdedship, I rushed out to the lake – hurdled the new raft into the water, rowed out to my frantic child and saved the day . . . none of that is actually true!  He was totally fine and had mostly figured out how to row around and was in fact back to the shore waiting for me to go with him.
Saga # 3: And most despairingly, my very life was attacked as Wesley led us in multiple games of Mafia. That required a certain level of energy that I must say was a challenge to garner. The murderous games were going along quite smoothly with grandma killed here and Brooke slaughtering over there . . . that is until the electricity failed throughout the entire area – bringing the murderous and lying yet comfortable group into a state of frenzy.  Brooke huddled in the corner, fearful for her life . . . and Andrew came to the rescue with his soft and comforting demeanor.  He simply turned on the flashlight on his phone, illuminating the living room, and allowing for the killing to continue.
Don’t worry, in the middle of the night, as we all lay sweltering in our beds, couches, blow up mattresses, and I think even a blow up raft – the electricity turned back on – phones began charging, lights that had been turned on before now glowed, refrigerators who held our precious perishables began to cool, showers that desperately cried for an occupant lie functional – but most importantly, the weekly residents of this quaint cabin lie asleep exhausted from the intense games of mafia that required murder, lying, and mayhem.

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