I have always wondered if Linda was just a big liar. I know that statement may not settle well with some of you, but as I explain I may be able to convince some of you to my opinion. Here goes . . . she regularly tells me that she finds me attractive . . . see, you understand now don’t you?
Please don’t misunderstand, this is not some rant driven by some internal insecurity about my weight or gut or . . . well that list could probably go on. To be honest, I’m actually quite secure in my size. Of course I haven’t always been this way . . . I’ve not always been secure and I’ve not always been this size 🙂 There is no need for the well-intended to take this opportunity to once again remind me of the physical dangers I need to consider . . . I get it. I agree with you. That’s not at all the point of this post.
It’s just necessary to acknowledge the elephant in the room (pun intended) for you to better appreciate what I’ve learned over the last few months. When I objectively look at myself I conclude that it must be hard for Linda to look at me and be attracted to me . . . and yet she continues to say she is. So then, I either have to conclude that she is lying or I have to conclude that she has a way of seeing me that defies my logic.
For what it’s worth . . . over the years, I have come to conclude that she is not lying to me, but I had given up on understanding how she thinks. I wrote it off as a woman thing. “She’s a woman, she must just think differently than me.”
You, like Linda, probably want me to get to the point . . . here it is. I think I finally understand how she sees me.
About a month ago, Linda was getting ready for the day but had not yet decided on her hat, wig, or bandanna. She was standing in front of me, sporting her freshly shaven head, and she inquired into whether or not it was hard for me to look at her when she was bald. Is that equivalent to a wife asking if she looks good in her outfit? Seriously, what do you say at that point? . . . “No, you look horrible, go change” or “You look amazing!! Woot Woot!!”
In all honesty, prior to shaving her head, I wondered if I would struggle with that, but as the moment came and went; I came to realize that her being bald did not affect my view of her at all. I realized that I find my wife beautiful, not simply because she is beautiful in appearance, but because she is a beautiful person. Her amazing and godly character, her loving and patient demeanor, her faithful companionship, her compassionate smile, her unparalleled care for her family . . . actually affected how I visually see her. At any moment, when I look at my wife, she is the most beautiful women I know.
It was at that moment that I got it . . . that’s what she does with me! Now I’m left wondering . . . what does she see in me that allows her to do that . . . “Hey Linda! What do you see in me anyway?” . . . I’ll tell you later how that conversation goes 🙂
Of course, I’m not asking her to conclude . . . since Aaron’s thinks I’m beautiful, I’m going to go everywhere bald . . . but if she does it won’t bother me.
One thought on “I finally get it! Kind of?”
This is so Aaron, and that’s why you are attractive……not just to Linda but to those others of us who know you and care about you. This goes for Linda too. To know her is to be attracted to her and love her. Aaron, you do an amazing job of writing what is on your mind and in you heart. Thanks for these great blogs. Love you. PJ