(My dad and I had a discussion about Valentines day last evening. He desired to do his fatherly duty of reminding me to love my wife in a manner worthy of her great value. My response was the same as it apparently is every year, “I love her every day, I refuse to yield to the hallmark holiday of Valentines Day!!!” . . . Shortly after I came across this post that I had written last year for something else . . . and it kind of made me laugh).
“If you haven’t loved your spouse all year, don’t start on Valentines day.” Of course when I told that to Linda she thought I could say it differently . . . How about “If you haven’t loved your spouse all year, don’t just start on Valentines day, but keep it up all year long.” Linda’s approach is probably more gracious . . . and yet in her response I saw so starkly the differences in our personalities. I’ve never met anyone that didn’t like Linda. And believe it or not, I’ve met a number of people that don’t care for me 🙂
It’s no secret that I’m one of those guys that see Valentine’s Day as an opportunity for a large corporation to guilt me into buying something so that they can pad their pockets the rest of the year . . . hence the term “A Hallmark Holiday.” My typical rant on the subject usually ends in my saying, “I would prefer to love you all year long than just display it on some special day.”
The problem with that mindset comes in the answer to the question . . . Do I actually display it all year long? It’s pretty easy to sound pious on top of my soap box, but at the end of the day a marriage isn’t held together on top of that soap box.
When it comes to marriage there is so much counsel to be offered. My grandma once told me that she treated my grandpa like a king because he treated her like a queen, and one of my pastor’s offered the counsel to view men as coffee mugs and women as tea cups. Tea cups are precious and are meant to be treated with care, whereas coffee mugs are often beefy and get tossed around a bit. Both lines of counsel offer helpful insight. Whatever the analogy one may offer, we are to love our spouses unconditionally and sacrificially.
Ephesians 5:25-28 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Loving in the same manner in which Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her . . . simply put, is really tough. But, that’s what we are called to. So then, Valentine’s Day is this week. Hopefully you have been loving your spouse all year long, but if you haven’t been, this is a good week to start. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, fight your propensity to live your life for yourself and take purposeful and dramatic steps towards sacrificially, unselfishly, and unconditionally loving your spouse.
And for Linda’s sake . . . Even if you have been loving your spouse all year, you might want to consider doing something special on Valentine’s Day as well.
4 thoughts on “Don’t Just Love Her on Valentines Day!”
Happy Valentines day to all the Sturgills. (And Aaron I can’t believe there are people who don’t love you) To know you and Linda I consider a real privilege.
I love your thoughts on Valentine’s Day! & I also love the flowers your father bought me! 😉
How much one loves another person and the ways one shows love are different matters. “Moment by moment” we love our Saviour, but doing so does not preclude our celebrating “special” days such as his birth and his resurrection. In contrast we love family members, but seldom demonstrate our love, sometimes almost never.
Hey Uncle Ron. I think I’m following your line of thought. In the same way that we have an ongoing love for Christ but still celebrate special moments which display that love, we can have a love towards another on a daily basis without precluding special moments to celebrate that love. I think I might disagree with your first statement a little. It’s true that I can have an emotional love for someone and due to physical separation or life circumstances have very few opportunities to exhibit that love. I suppose we are an example of that. I have an emotion of love for you as my uncle. I think of you often. I’m glad to be your nephew. But that translates into very few opportunities to demonstrate that love. On the other hand, if your life circumstances and proximity allow you to display love and you never do . . . wouldn’t it be fair to question your love for that person?
I would struggle imagining an individual loving their spouse void of any demonstration of that love. Demonstrations of love can be ever so small, but still significant. In fact I would argue that most demonstrations of love are seemingly small: lathering up a tooth brush because you know their coming in to get ready for bed, laying on their side of the bed to warm it up before they come, putting a little note in their lunch, texting some little encouragement, choosing their favorite restaurant when you go out, picking up their favorite drink on your way home, responding to them in love when things don’t go quite right . . . replying to your uncle’s comment because you know he likes to debate:) . . . and the list is innumerable of simple but clear demonstrations of love.
Are you suggesting that truly loving family members rarely ever do those things for one another?